Craig Knighton

The original intent of this site, was to create a diary of my searching for my birth parents, and while that was a success, it also seems to have caused a certain amount of stress and strain. Thinking that this was going to be an issue in re-uniting etc, I deleted the site, and thereby also the comments. What I should have done is  removed all the names, from the posts and comments. Unfortunately the SQL database that stored the posts and comments, that I backed up, was corrupt, so everything has gone.

However, I am going to do my best to re-build that section, probably in three or four posts, that try to chart how it went, and also new stuff that has been authorised by the other people this concerns, without specifically using their names. I may also start a new search, looking for my father, but I’m quite ambiguous about finding him, more so than I was my mother.

I made a few mistakes in the way I contacted my mother, and then helped the situation snowball out of control. That this has caused some pain and heartache to others is a regret, but I don’t believe I was the only person to blame in allowing that to develop.

Some general advice to ther adoptees who believe they’ve found a birth mother/father

1 - When you contact that person, help them to set ground rules, and stick to them
2 - If they tell you of other relatives (siblings), ask not to be mentioned until you have successfully built a relationship, or decided not to go any further
3 - Remember to look after your own well being, and not to concentrate on theirs
4 - Keep an open mind

I’m fortunate that I’ve started re-building bridges with the family who adopted, and looked after me. I’m also fortunate that I have now gained a mother, and a sister. Once I would have focussed on what I lost out on, rather than what I’ve gained, but no longer.